Two steps forward, one step back…isn’t that the saying?
Usually, when I’m putting together my thoughts for this space, whatever the topic, I aim, or at least hope, that they will be in some way helpful & encouraging. Inspiring even. But today, this one is just for me.
I’m not really one for smalltalk & platitudes. I prefer real conversations that get to the heart of things, so in not sharing what my current reality is, I’ve been feeling distant & disconnected. A little automated. On shifting roots, unable to find my depth, a dense fog in my ability to create and tell my story authentically.
So here I am. Trying to wrangle words from my head to my fingertips, in a way that tells a small portion of a tale that isn’t mine alone, and has no currently knowable ending. That respects all parties, yet allows me to express that I am in a limbo of marital separation that is heartbreaking, raw, terrifying, and (despite and with gratitude to the most wonderful folks that have given me their love, kindness, and truth in my darkest times), it is a lonely journey.
Here at least, there is no blame, no sides, it’s just how it is. It’s huge & it’s nothing. The world still spins, and life goes on with all it’s ups, as much as the downs. I have no advice on how to get through this at this point. I’m living it day by day. I don’t want to hash it, nor provide a blow by blow, but for me, at this moment, the fact is that my reality, my everyday, is just me & Boo, or sometimes, just me.
And so, perspective shifts a little, and the story goes on. One step at a time…