I’ve been procrastinating over the blog & this post since the start of the year (and probably longer, if I’m honest!)
Amongst various things going on around here, I’ve had content for the blog piling up and stuffing themselves into an overwhelming bottle-neck situation which left me completely paralysed, unable to focus, simply not knowing where or how to start again, but desperately wanting to do so.
For the longest time, I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling so stuck. Why could I not just sit down and write like I used to? Wondering what the f*** was wrong with me, and feeling completely useless.
And then I realised…it’s the gap. Or gaps, I should say.
So much has changed in the last two years, and so much hasn’t. So much has happened and, whilst I try to be as open as possible here, there’s been a lot of dark times which hasn’t really lent itself to writing sparky lines about how good life is, my latest loves, or pretty much anything else. And there’s been so much of my story that hasn’t been mine alone. Which leads to gaps. Gaping holes I couldn’t fill with words & pictures and didn’t know how to share, or even if I wanted to.
But life goes on, an there’s also been amazing things happening, and, in the weirdest way, it’s ultimately both these scenarios I really couldn’t find the words for…
I’ve always maintained that blogging helped me discover myself – the opportunities, the community, the friendships, and the simplest fact of having something to look back over & see how far I’ve come, is something I find truly incredible.
But “blogging” in itself has changed at such a speed, it makes my head spin, and it’s also that which has led to the gaps. It’s made me question what I’m doing with this space, whether it has any value to anyone but me, and whether I’ve been truly authentic at times.
I was never one of those people that knew what they wanted to do… I worked in a pub from 18, then for Yves Saint Laurent for a few years, and then fell into admin roles as we moved around, until I had my daughter. I didn’t realise for the longest time how unfulfilled I felt in my work life, and it wasn’t until I taught myself to crochet & started this blogging journey that I learnt how important it is for me to be creative in what I do.
Many of my friends & family didn’t get what I was doing with blogging, and looking back, historically, some of their attitudes and comments would’ve made me give up. But for the first time in my life; this was something I felt like I HAD to stick with. I didn’t know why, or where it would go, but it was important to me. It was the first time I had ever started to feel like I was on the path I was meant to be, and that I could actually have some control in where that path might take me. For me, that is HUGE.
But it did perhaps mean that I doggedly threw myself into it in a bid to escape from other areas of my life that I felt I had no control over, and for the longest time, it was also a means to hide a slow, sinking, and destructive depression. I recognise that now, and perhaps that has been part of my crippling fear to delve back in.
And that is the final gap to be filled.
But six or seven years on from the beginning (I lose track!), I finally know what I want to be doing. Not only that, for the last year or so, I’ve been doing it too. And I want to share my journey again.
This blog, as with so many, was started as a personal story. I always had a vague idea that it may tie in in some way to a future business, but I never had intentions of becoming a pro-blogger, or of this space being the go to site for nifty tips or niche advice. At times, I’ve been edged into specific categories or boxes for one thing or another, but none of them have been what I’m really about.
So going back to the beginning of this particular tale…
Amongst the situational changes, I myself have inevitably changed too. Nothing seismic, but slight shifts that have altered my view on how I want to show up around here.
This will always be a personal blog – I create the content, I write about what I want, when I want, and how I want, and I’m constantly curious so it will remain a ‘lifestyle’ blog. Overall, the broader topics of home, family, adventure, food, creativity, life & style will remain. I know I’d like to explore more fashion, beauty, & food elements too, but is there anything you’d particularly like to see or know about?
I will continue to collaborate with brands because a) I love doing it, and b) it all helps towards the bills & the time I spend creating content, both here & on social media.
I know some folks don’t like sponsored or collaborative posts, but I genuinely only agree to projects I know I’d like to work on, and that I actually want to share with you, so I’m sorry to those that don’t like them (please bear with!) and am forever grateful to those that appreciate the work & story that goes into those kinds of posts that enable me to keep doing what I’ve discovered I love to do.
I will find a way to fill in those harder gaps too, because at the end of the day, I started reading blogs all those years ago because I found other people’s stories helped me not feel so alone, and inspired me to find out what I love, for me & no-one else. And if I only ever help one of you lovely folk in some small way; that will make me the happiest. Whether that be as simple as providing inspiration that helps you love your home, go on your first adventure, or find a product you enjoy, to starting a journey that helps you discover your you & love your everyday.
And lastly, I will fill in the gaps around my work more. I’m not so great at what feels like self-promo, but my journey has led me to focus on my photography, & I am now booking clients, and loving helping every single one of them to see their brands & businesses in a whole new way, to tell their stories, and to flourish.
So things are likely to still be a bit sporadic for a while whilst I refine my flow, and there’s definitely going to be a few back dated posts, but here it is…a start.