The first post back after a stint away from the blog is always the hardest to write, and I reckon this post is probably coming up for a year overdue. So much has happened & changed in my life! But, it’s time to reclaim my baggage & keep moving forward (which also means dumping some of it here!)
It’s been just over 18months since my separation began, and just over a year since we finally parted ways as a couple. There’s still a lot to be sorted legality wise, but in the meantime, I’ve been busy putting things together for my photography portfolio, so I’ve had a fairly solid focus on that, being Mama, and trying to take better care of me.
It’s also been a year since I signed up to Jen Carrington’s fantastic coaching course. 8 Sessions of one-to-one skype chats, and I think perhaps I was a fairly difficult client to have as I felt, at the time, completely lost as to what my voice was or what I had to offer anyone, yet at the same time, very focussed on what I wanted to do & where I wanted to get to!
Thankfully, Jen’s wisdom and experience was a guiding light for me in a very dark period, and was the first step in helping me stumble my way back onto the path.
I went to the doctor, and finally asked for help. For years, I have avoided words like anxiety & depression other than around a very limited few people. I felt like, in a world full of such awful events, and people in serious need, what right did I have to be “depressed” – what did I have to complain about? I had been conditioned to believe that perhaps I was just being silly, over-sensitive, dramatic, or just plainly, a miserable bitch.
And I almost, mostly, did believe that. Almost. Thankfully, the tiniest fighter part of me glimmered & finally refused to accept it, and when I went and broke down at the doctor’s, he explained to me that depression has no borders. Like any illness, it can affect anyone at anytime.
And that was the second step.
So what am I spilling all this for now?
Well, really, because one of the reasons I have blogged so sporadically over the last 18 months was because I felt I had lost my voice. Because I wasn’t able to share what was happening at the time, I no longer felt I was being real or authentic, and just wasn’t sure of what I had to offer any longer. I couldn’t write perky stories of events and people and places and everything I love, because, whilst my physical presence was there with a smile plastered on, my mind was often in a very different place.
Whilst behind the scenes will always be a work in progress, I now feel, once again, in a very different place to where I was a year ago. I absolutely still believe in staying ever curious, nurturing your dreams, owning your style, embracing every adventure, pulling the positive from your experiences & moving ever forward, as I hope this right here shows.
And I absolutely always hope to encourage and inspire anyone reading this blog to find comfort & balance in the everyday, and to create a life well lived. For yourself, and in whatever way works for you. To find the courage to make the changes you can and to find and build on a spark of belief that you deserve to be happy in your own way too.
That’s my aim in writing the more personal parts of this blog, but I hope you enjoy and are able to take some inspiration from all the rest of it too.
So here I am, back with some catching up to do and lots to tell you about. My brunch date being the first (but that’s all you’re getting for now!)
And the second being my Best Self Co. Journal. Not sponsored, I promise! It’s just that I love it! If you’re trying to make anything happen and get organised whilst creating time for self care & happiness, this journal is for you. I now take mine everywhere so I can check in and see where I’m at (OK, I’m not always great at remembering to write daily, but I’m on the right track!) I’ll leave you go check out the site for yourself.
So, there we go. Phew! I finally spilt the contents of my old bag, and am ready for the new (see what I did there?!) There are a few posts coming that may feel a little out of sync as they happened awhile ago now, but they’re things I still really want to share with you, so I do hope you’ll bear with me.
Much love and thanks, as always, for reading x